The class of Wayne is now in session and his prized pupil is Ms.Nicki Minaj. Those of us over the age of 25 can easily see that Nicki is Kim 3.0. I think her first promo pic was emulating the infamous spread eagle “Hard Core” pose that Kim made famous. Imitation is the highest form of flattery, right?

Nicki has improved her brand based on the blueprint that Kim created. The colored wigs, super sexed lyrics, girl on girl love, ride or die chick status, that’s ALL you know who. On the flip-side, Nicki is a master of her brand and has wisely leveraged social networks to her advantage. Claps all around for her….

 To be successful, one should follow the ways of someone who has done it before, not following and later claiming to be the inventor (I don’t personally think Nicki’s doing that). But, keeping in mind that being a mentor doesn’t mean, “do all that I did” either.

In any event, aside from all this talk about hiphop divas and which rap chick came first (my brain is starting to melt) – having a mentor is crucial when setting long-term goals. Take the best of what they have done, put your twist on it and do it better. Taking credit for something you didn’t build isn’t flattery, its disrespectful and if that’s how you roll, you won’t last long in any business. Props to Nicki for her success, and I sincerely hope she’ll never have to go through Kim’s public heartbreak of forever losing her mentor. “But I Love Me More” x Nova B.  Rutherford 4 everythingYNTK.

Weddings are a gajillion dollar industry where the average costs $30,000. Too pricey? Go on TV and for 12 suspenseful weeks, prove your love to a handsome stranger and at the last rose ceremony, that bachelor/ette might propose! Even if you go the regular route, half of all couples get divorced, which can be a really stressful time. Unless you are semi famous because for you, life gets better!

Breakup benefits can be seen on TV’s most popular shows: Let’s Talk About Pep, Jon & Kate, and now Basketball Wives with Shaq’s ex at the Queen D (as in divorcee). Divorce continues to be a part of our culture and though I chose to be married, I’m not suggesting its right or wrong. I saw my parent’s divorce, friends parents and now my friends are signing “them papers”. When he put the ring on me, I feared it might burn. Kidding. I honestly feel this divorce normalcy results in the enormous pressure society puts people under, despite the statistics. In addition to family stress, cultural traditions and expectations, the media crams the idea of a dream wedding down our throat as the pinnacle in life, with little focus on the actual marriage.

 Mamma didn’t raise no fool, she told me that a wedding is one day. One day. And if feeling like a princess and having all the attention is the goal, girl, that’s NO reason to get married. When the last gift is opened and the twinkle lights are turned off, it’s you and your partner and little distractions. So before you take the plunge, live a full life. There are many accomplishments you can celebrate, and be the star of for the day; graduation, a promotion at work, starting a new business, buying a new home, athletic achievements, a milestone birthday or simply because it’s the weekend! My great-grandparents were married 71 years and they said that the secret was to keep running. You want to be running towards your goals, jumping over life’s hurdles, really pushing it and look over to see that incredible person (or pillow) beside you. | “But I Love Me More” x Nova B. Rutherford 4 everythingYNTK.

Man marries “Pillow”

Race relations and sensitivity have clearly improved. A change in the temperature of racism is fantastic, however there are still a myriad of issues affecting the community and I don’t see Twitter lighting up about that. Anger just festers unless it can be channeled towards righting injustice and fundamental wrongs. That same frustration can be aimed at bettering the community, with the intention of love and lasting change. If every time someone uttered that hate filled word, a mass of people leaped to its collective feet and found strength in numbers to change their community, people, we’d be living in a different world.

Nigger. NIGGER. Say it out loud, “er” and all. Nigger. Get mad, feel the emotion, feel 500 years of struggle and sacrifice, progress and victories, and channel that towards alleviating the endless issues affecting the community that you love so much. Get mad about AIDS being the number ONE killer of black women 24-35, or that 43% of black pregnancies end in abortion. The environment, gay rights, education whatever your issue, give your time towards improving it and creating awareness. Once that energy is transferred to fighting for a cause you truly believe in, you open up to so much more that evokes passion, and the tip of your true potential. Its then that you realize your being could never be captured by one word. | ”But I Love Me More” by Nova B. Rutherford for everythingYNTK.

February is for lovers. It’s also a time where wanna-be-lovers can end up disappointed when expectations aren’t met. In the spirit of Valentines Day and in hopes to get a laugh out of the loyal readers of everythingYNTK [and Mr. Monaco] I’m sharing a tale of my worst Valentines experience and most important, the crucial lessons I walked away with.  Here we go;  By February, my 9 month relationship with *Matt was clearly coming to a close but I had couldn’t dump him until Valentine’s was over. To avoid being a heartless bitch, I suffered a few more days of the awkwardness until I could end it. Out of obligation I bought him a card and before he came over, I cleaned my room, briefly entertained the idea of sex and then quickly decided against it… | 

Valentine’s Schmalentines. When I’m done, I’m done.

Matt was to come over around 5pm, we’d order food and then go to the movies. By 6:30pm, I was still alone, pissed off and hungry (aka Def Con 3). Instead of savoring sweet chocolate hearts, I stewed about this bullshit that was disguised as a relationship. It just wasn’t fun anymore. Matt lost his job, skipped his college courses to play ball, ate my food like it was free, and started asking me, waitress/student me, for money!!! Lazy. Unmotivated. Complacent. It was a wrap. I was turning 21 in two weeks and waaay too young to be dealing with his B.S. My eyes had begun to wander anyway and it wouldn’t be long until the rest followed.

7:30pm. 2.5 hours late. Pounding on the door, I swear I smelled the booze on him before opening it. “Hapshy Balentine Nov”. Classy. He’s drunk, high and in his hands are my gifts from Cupid. Not flowers, but a blunt, a screw-top magnum of cheap wine and I think he signed the card on his knee in the elevator. Oh, did I mention the bottle wine had already been opened and was a quarter empty? Cha.

Calm and stone-faced, I sat him down. I told him that I expected more from him after 9 months and very clearly explained that I would no longer be participating in this relationship. Valentines Schmalentines.
“What did I do to make you think that THIS would be acceptable??” I asked. If I played a role in this mess, I wanted to know so I’d NEVER do it again. Stunned, and partially drunk, he said nothing and started to stumble out of my apartment. Figures. At my wits end and still starving, I knew I wasn’t going out like that on this lovers holiday.
“Not so fast.” I said. “Leave the spliff and wine with me.”After that mess, I took two things with me that forever changed the way I looked at relationships.

1) Be clear on the qualities you want in a partner.

Was Matt going to be thoughtful, punctual and romantic just because it was Valentines? That’s like expecting to lose 15 pounds overnight because you have to wear a bikini tomorrow. He was none of those things and I never pushed him to be. I didn’t know what I wanted until I didn’t get it.

2) If you don’t know what you want, know what you DON’T want.

3) You don’t do anyone a favor by prolonging the truth.

What’s the difference if you break up the 14th, 29th, or 3rd? If it’s done, it’s done forget the niceties. That person deserves to know so they can begin to move on. Double Bonus, that dink is out of your life faster. – But I Love Me More by Nova B. Rutherford for everythingYNTK.

Were you determined that things would be different? Your intentions great, you were motivated to act? But, being an impatient child of the ADHD generation, you haven’t lost that 20 pounds in 20 days or written that book manuscript you said you would get done before the end of the first 31 days in January? Well don’t worry 2010 will be different, If you’re still willing to try.

Lets begin by taking that “Pre-New Years Eve” excitement you had for 2010 and use it for continuing your everyday momentum. If that sounds like crazy talk, track your forward movement and celebrate it everyday by changing your attitude (from “meh” to “make it happen!”), setting a specific goal and consistently taking action, soon your environment will change and when that starts to shift…Pow! Another trick I use to keep myself accountable; I’ve already made a list of 2010 accomplishments. By saying I went to Paris and had the time of my life, it really pushes me to make that happen! It feels real in a way and I owe it to myself to be true to that list. So on that note, Paris was unforgettable, I’m finally being paid what I’m worth, that last 15 pounds is gone for good and my family is closer then ever. See 2010 will be different. What did you do…? [smile] 

- “But I Love Me More” x Nova B. Rutherford for everythingYNTK.

· Host a pot luck. Guests bring wine and a dish
· Freshen a room with a new coat of paint, plants or better lighting.
· Try hot yoga.
· Slip into the Jacuzzi or sauna at your local boutique hotel.
· Invigorate yourself with citrus lotions, scrubs and candles.
· Visit a planetarium and surround yourself with lush vegetation.

“But I Love Me More” by Nova B. Rutherford for everythingYNTK.

“The color of springtime is in the flowers, the color of winter is in the imagination.”
- Ward Elliot Hour

Whitney Houston, Jennifer Lopez and Janet Jackson performed at the AMA’s this week and personally, I was excited to see them on the stage again. In J-lo’s case, despite a minor slip up (but have we EVER seen her stumble before?!) Lopez gave a solid performance that was intricate and true to her roots as an incredible dancer. She fell. SO WHAT! My girl missed 2 counts and went right back in it like the pro she is. After the show, I predict she went to her penthouse, sprayed on some GLOW, popped in ‘Maid in Manhattan’ and took care of her two kids. BX like what? Get it J-Lo.  This week, “fans” were buzzing that Janet didn’t have the same “umph” that she used to. You mean the ‘umph she had in 1987??? She danced to an 8 minute medley spanning 20 years of hits! I’m half her age and struggle with somersaults! Give my girls a break please! I don’t need to defend megastars that I’ve never even met, but it seems that we as fans, take for granted the painful process and pressure that is demanded when one signs up to be an artist. All so they can give to US.

 These women started out just like you and I, and neither live a life free of problems. Janet is a ‘Jackson’ – we can’t even begin to imagine what that is like. Jennifer has been married 3 times and survived 2 very public breakups. That hurts, no matter who you are. Weather it be trouble at work, or falling in front of millions, that the difference between winning and losing in this life is how you deal with your problems. These phenomenal women reminded me of that. It’s that inner fire that says “I’ll do it. I got this. I’m going to win.” Ultimately, those are the people who do.